coffee conversations

Coffee with Ameena: The marriage list

If we were having coffee, I’d apologise for having only caffeinated black coffee at the table. I am one of those coffee snobs who judge people that drink full cream coffee or decaffeinated coffee; please don’t judge me for judging you. As we sip our coffee and exchange pleasantries, I wouldn’t bore you about my week, but go straight into the talk which has been brewing inside me. (Get it? brewing, coffee… oh never mind, I will keep working on my puns).

If we were having coffee, I’d confess that I’ve been reading “the hate you give” by Angie Thomas for the past five days and I still haven’t gotten far. Simply put- I’m not enjoying the book. If we were having coffee, I’d avoid meeting your shocked eyes, by hiding behind my mug of coffee as you digest the fact that I don’t like your “favorite book”. I’d reassure you though that I’d try and complete the book, hoping the book will grow on me.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about a hilarious experience I encountered in the hospital. A woman brought her “50 day old” child to the hospital and when I asked her what was wrong with the child, she replied, “He’s having headache”.. I looked at the other doctor I worked it and whilst trying to hide our laughter, we asked
“Did he tell you that he is having headache”… The mother joined into the joke as well. Laughter makes the world and the work better.

If were having coffee, I’d tell you that all of these talk was simply me walking around the bush, trying to avoid the main issue I wanted to talk about- the marriage list. It’s a list of questions I want answers to, before saying I do. They are simply issues I think, need to be discussed before marriage. Here are a few of the questions I’ll ask:

1. do you have any intention of getting a second wife?
2. What will happen if I have fertility issues and can’t give birth
3. What if we have chromosomal incompatibility? Will we take the risk and have children or opt out?
4. What if we give birth to a child with severe physically deformity like cerebral palsy, or Down syndrome?
5. What will happen if I develop a condition like Paraplegia or paralysis?
6. Would you honestly be able to stay with me if I suffer facial burns?
7. How would you react if your parents ask you to divorce me?
8. What if your parents ask you to get a second wife?
9. What’s going to happen if either of us get a better job offer in a different city?
10. Can we survive a long distance marriage or not?

11. Is adoption something you want to consider?
12. What do you know about mental illnesses?
13. What are your marriage deal breakers?
14. Do you want a life partner or a home maker?
15. Would you be okay with having a housemaid?
16. Would you be okay with living with my siblings?
17. Would you be okay with my mum living with us?
18. What happens if my parents get sick and need me to take care of them?
19. How do you react when you are angry?
20. How many children do you want to have?
21. Do you have any sex preference for kids or not?
22. Is having kids of all same sex a problem?
23. Do you harbor any intention of joining politics?
24. Do you plan on moving outside the country?
25. What happens to the kids if we ever get a divorce?

If we were coffee, I would ask you if there are some things you need to know before marriage, if you believe in compatibility or if you are a believer that love makes everything work. If we were having coffee, I’d let you know that I’ve been having a headache and would be taking my leave now. I’d thank you for taking the time to hear me out, I’d hug you and let you know how much I enjoy these our little coffee dates.

Thank you for hanging out for another coffee with Ameena, I hope you read this with a coffee in hand. That being said, If we were having coffee, just you and I, what would the conversation entail? Do let me know in the comments section below.

3 thoughts on “Coffee with Ameena: The marriage list”

  1. Aww if we were having coffee/tea (😂), I’d say it’s okay that you’re not enjoying The Hate U Give and I’d ask you what is it about the book that you’re not liking? After all, everybody has different preferences and just because some people like a book doesn’t mean you have to. There are plenty of books out there that are very popular but I haven’t been able to finish them either.

    If we were having coffee/tea, I’d voice my admiration for your marriage list. I’d answer your questions by saying that I also believe that there are certain topics about the couple’s future and beliefs that need to be discussed before they get married, such as what kind of partner we expect the other person to be, our thoughts on children, and each other’s financial situation, for starters. I would return your hug as we near the end of our conversation and wish you a great week ahead. Hopefully your headache will pass!

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  2. If we were having coffee, I’d say that its difficult to answer certain questions when not in that position, however its still a great idea to discuss them, I’d also discuss roles, finance and conflict resolutions, when a 3rd should come in and when not.

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